


I Used To Be Hot

by Revelation_Dis



Series: The Crack [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Crack Fic, F/F, F/M, Multi, absurd au, brain breakage, catra and adora are their own grandparents, time paradox
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 09:01:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19422790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Revelation_Dis/pseuds/Revelation_Dis
Summary: On her death-bed, Shadow Weaver reveals to Catra the true story of her and Adora's lineage.





	I Used To Be Hot

“Catra, come closer, it’s high time that you learn the truth about everything,” Shadow Weaver gasped for she was dying.

Catra rolled her eyes and looked at her sharp nails, “Shadow Weaver, I know that you adopted me from the pound, and like it sucks you just adopted me to abuse me but I’ve made my peace with it.”

Shadow Weaver turned her head and glared, “Not that you simpleton! No, the truth is, is that I am you and Adora’s mother.”

“WHAT??” Catra shrieked, “You mean I’ve been making out with...oh whatever you old hag! You just can’t stand the fact that Adora and I are closer than ever,” she smirked.

“It is complicated. You see, you and Adora are my parents,” Shadow Weaver confessed.

If it were possible to see the inside of Catra’s skull, one might see Catra’s brain exploding. “How is that even possible?” she asked.

Shadow Weaver smiled, probably, as she spoke, “There was a time when I was actually very attractive. One day I met with two men, a human and a magicat. We gangbanged into the night and boy was it glorious! One week later I discovered I was pregnant.”

“Wait, you used to be hot?” Catra asked.

Shadow Weaver glared, but continued, “I wasn’t ready to raise a child, so by using bullshit magic I managed to teleport what I thought was just one fetus into the womb of another woman. Turns out I had twins, you went into the womb of a magicat, and Adora went into the womb of a human woman.”

By this point blood was coming from Catra’s ears, a side effect of the sheer fuckery she was hearing. “So that doesn’t explain how Adora and I are your parents.”

“It’s simple. Remember when you and Adora found that portal and you went through it?” Shadow Weaver asked.

“Oh yeah! And it took us back to like 500 years ago!” Catra exclaimed, “and that’s when Adora and I made love for the first time! Huh, that might explain why Adora had a baby 9 months later.”

“Yes, and that baby was me,” Shadow Weaver responded, “Since the two of you couldn’t stay I was forced to grow up as an orphan.”

“Wait, so is this why you hate me so much?” Catra asked, “Because we left you? But Adora left you too!”

Shadow Weaver just laughed, “No, no I never cared much for you because one time I wanted a Pepsi and you wouldn’t let me have it.

*****  
“So apparently Shadow Weaver is both our mother and daughter, and she never liked me because I wouldn’t let her have a Pepsi,” Catra explained to Adora.

Adora’s head exploded.

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I needed to write some brain-breaking crack.


End file.
